How to Stop Fighting and Gain Peace
how to stop fighting and find peace

How to Stop Fighting and Gain Peace

In Buddhist philosophy, Lord Buddha frequently described the source of suffering in the world as being directly attributable to “attachments”. Attachments can be thought of as:

  • Believing in and being obsessed with the illusions of the past and future
  • Resentment and the desire for retaliation
  • Consumerism
  • Obsession with anything and anyone

As a Reiki Master, I have seen many clients obsessed with egoic thinking, particularly obsession with the past and future. This is a favorite method Ego uses to keep us focused on anything but the Present. The obsession with the past keeps us lost in shame and regret. In addition, Ego only presents the worst aspects of our pasts, excluding any accomplishments. By keeping us focused on the future, Ego only presents the worst-case scenario. This creates a huge amount of fear. This alternating obsession with shame and fear paralyzes the person, creating a “hamster wheel” of mentality, and the person becomes nothing less than a slave to obsession. Having accomplished this feat, Ego keeps the person lost in “thought”, incapable of achieving real serenity. In fact, this person becomes a “sleep-walker”, having forfeited the blessing of Presence by obsession on something that does not even exist. Illusion complete.

I also work with people who are obsessed with resentment. This can take the form of a victim mentality, or at least a loss of serenity because this person has attached themselves to something they cannot change. Thus, finding a new way of thinking becomes paramount for regaining serenity. In these cases, the concept of “radical acceptance” can help.

Radical acceptance refers to a relatively new way of thinking that challenges the person to become “the observer”, instead of fully attaching themselves to a situation they cannot control. Full acceptance of the present situation is challenging, but also offers a window for freedom from resentment and the desire for revenge. To go further, this concept also offers a new opportunity to introduce love and compassion into the situation. Stepping back, detaching from a resentment, and seeing the situation through a new lens sends positive energy into the situation. In addition, the person can offer compassion-based prayers and requests for blessings for this person. It doesn’t mean you condone any appropriate behavior. It means you refuse to engage in behavior that had previously drained you of your life force. The result is true freedom and transformation.

Consumerism, or the intense obsession with owning more and more “stuff”, keeps us from receiving true serenity. This illusion says “if I own more stuff, I will be happier. I will be better than others and feel better about myself”. Again, this reflects obvious egoic illusional thinking. The simple impermanence of material things, and the obsession with them, sets the person up for failure. First, these “things” will not last. Second, this way of thinking robs the person of true spiritual growth and happiness. The cliché of “it’s an inside job” reveals a powerful truth — there is now way for a person to achieve true peace until they are willing to say yes to an intense, transformative, spiritual experience. America’s current preoccupation with consumerism has had a devastating effect on the national consciousness. It has promoted the illusions of “more” and has made heroes of celebrities who promote youth, beauty, and wealth as what should be sought. The effect has been a loss of spiritual truths as an altruistic goal, and a growing unrest within the country that manifest in many negative forms.

Finally, my clients sometimes present with obsessions with lovers, sex partners, or the idea of idea of a solid relationship without having done the deep work necessary. This is a recipe for heartbreak and disappointment. The Universal Laws of love suggest the following:

  • I cannot own or possess another person
  • Continuing in the illusion that I can possess another person guarantees I will lose them
  • “Stalking” behavior ensures a huge loss of life-force
  • True love comes only when one has done the “deep-dive” work of learning to love themselves

Indeed, these truths guarantee failure, simply because the Universe consists only of Unconditional Love. The Universe cannot allow someone to continue negative behavior without consequences, as this denies them to opportunity to grow. The comparison of the addict who “bottoms out”, only to have a powerful spiritual experience, can be effective in demonstrating that one sometimes needs to do things “wrong” over and over again to finally see that their efforts have failed. This is the point where Grace, if invoked, swoops down in Pure Love to bless the person with freedom, insight, and opportunities beyond their wildest dreams.


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